My Sanctuary of Light

Darts

2009-09-04T08:07:23Z

Okay, I have to admit that the DARTS site has a lot of cool shit. Expensive, but cool.

DARTS is Gackt's jewelry line XD

I admit that if I had the money I'd order this necklace. Or this.

Aw hell, I'd just buy everything.

The first necklace is around $237 USD. The second one is $316.

This is about $5,700. O.O

I mean, I think the cheapest thing on there jewelry wise is around $67, and they're earrings.

I know what I want for my birthday XD

DENIED

2009-07-24T09:10:49Z

I almost died when I saw this.

<3 Gackt

24 Hours

2008-08-15T10:09:13Z

I'm pulling a Stay-Up-All-Night-So-I-Can-Sleep-Better-Tomorrow-Night thing. I've been up since 1 pm yesterday. Sometime this morning I'm going to get a shitload of energy drinks. Yeah, this isn't the best way to solve insomnia, but...well...I'm tired of sleeping til one in the afternoon.

Oh, and it's possible to mage tank Scholomance. I DID IT LAST NIGHT. Our group kept falling apart so MAGE TANK TO THE RESCUE!

Lately

2008-08-13T18:56:32Z

My Grandma's brain tumor is back. THey want to do surgery but no one thinks its a good idea considering the fact that she's 81 and the last time they did anything they messed up and her whole right side is paralyzed. So now we're getting a second opinion. She'll probably end up having radiation, but even then...anything they do is kind of risky now. She's actually calmer now since she's been going for her B12 shots. I was actually able to have a semi normal conversation with her.

3 years Yesterday

2008-07-20T21:27:37Z

Yesterday was the three year anniversary of my Dad's death. It didn't hurt as much as it did the other years. ..... Does that make me a horrible person?

Been A Bit

2008-06-12T16:49:56Z

Wow, so I haven't posted anything in a loooong time.

I have a shot at a Job in a nursing home in Cheshire. A friend works there and she's one of the supervisors. It pays 11.00 an hour, and the hours are decent. If that doesn't work out my Aunt's going to try to get me a job as a receptionist at Ashler village. I didn;t call the Gateway people, partially because i'm just not motivated to go back to school anymore. I don't know. I don't want to sit around and do nothing though. I'll see how the job stuff goes.

I fell and sprained my ankle again. This is...the third time. Except this time i stepped in a pothole. I was almost to Jeff's car when I did it, which pisses me off because his car was RIGHT THERE. Anyway, he helped me to the car and I proceded to almost pass out from the pain. Went to the hospital, said it was a bad sprain. This is the worst one...so far. I say so far because eventually I'm going to do it again, because I'm a fucking klutz. I'm SUCH an optimist, right? Anyway, I crawled around the house for a few days since I can't use crutches (again, KLUTZ issues; I almost fell flat on my face numerous times). It really wasn't bad crawling; I even took a shower while kneeling, which was actually not that bad. Ankles better but its still swollen and it hurts a bit, but I can walk on it, which is good. I should have wore my brace more; I think i'm paying for it now.

The other part about me spraining my ankle? My Grandma actually TALKED to me. Like, as in, had a conversation with me that made SENSE. O.O I know, I'm shocked too. Although she was kind of annoying asking me if I wanted to use her extra cane or her walker every day. But now that i'm actually walking again she could care less. I'm lucky if I get a "hi" everyday. I don't...really care though, which is a little odd, but she's been either ignoring me or yelling at me for years. Now i think she's afraid of me. Why, I have no idea, probably because my mom gave her hell about her calling me fat and putting me down. that was years ago though, when i first went in the hospital. But still. Meh.

Besides being a klutz I'm spending my days relaxing and reading, and trying to learn Japanese, or playing WoW. I thinking I'm going to get my priest up to level 20 or so and save her for lowbie dungeons so I can level Zex more. I don't know. I think i'm gonna read for most of the day though. Need to learn Japanese because there aren't nearly enough Gaki subbed episodes out there. If i can at least get the jist of what they're saying, i'll be happy. Except my stupid book was supposed to come with an audio CD but it didn't; Kind of pissed about that. But still.

Oh well. I think i'm going to spend the rest of the day reading or something. Laters.

Kyle?

2008-05-02T18:55:51Z

Yeah. So, I had this dream that Kyle killed homself. You know, Douchebag Kyle.

It was really really weird, and quite disturbing.

: /

Cra-zy

2008-04-18T08:36:46Z

I took the crazy test today...er...yesterday. Some of the questions were weird: Do you hear voices? Is someone out to get you? Do you see things that aren;t really there? But then there were the normal ones like Do you like being out with people, do you find that you sleep better during the day than at night, etc.

Should be pretty interesting to see how i scored.

The lady from Wagging Tails called on Monday; I didnt get the voicemail until today for some reason. Of course i got it after she had already left for the day so i need to call tomorrow...well...er...today. Hopefully i'll get the job.

I'm actually tired now.

Yay Me.

Slush

2008-04-16T05:20:48Z

I have such a headache; I don't know if it's from not eating all day or from crying before. Probably a little of both. My hand is getting weak and shaking again. I left my brace at Grandma Lewis's. I agrued with Jeff all day, which was fun. I still don't see what was so wrong about some of the stuff, but oh well. We went to Walmart to get bread to feed the ducks at Hubbard Park, then went there to play tennis with Marco except the courts were closed but we didn't know that until we got there. I bought these new headphones the other day and i started trying to take them out of the package so i could listen to my ipod while i was up there, and that led to us arguing over a tennis racket, and the whole me being a bump on a log thing.

La De Da. Sorry if I assumed I wasn't gonna play and would rather listen to my ipod while i watch instead of just staring there and watching. We came back to my house, let Tub and Wally outside which was fun, then went to play tennis, where we got into another fight and left. Fun. We argued all the way to my house, argued at my house in the car since my asshole brother's inside using the computer and won't leave if we need him to. Which in turn led to me crying, which makes me feel worse.

Yeah, okay. I'm a crybaby. And you know what? You know how in the movies or in a group of friends there's always that one fat, ugly chick who's just THERE?

Yeah. That's me.

I told Jeff that's how I felt, he said i'm not and why do i feel that way, i said i look around at other people. He told me I pay attention to other people and listen to other people too much and it was all of that that made me feel bad and try to kill myself.

Well, I can't help it. It's not like anyone really dissagrees with me. And i really really need someone too, not because I tell them to say because i'm going crazy. I can't DO anything without thinking i look completely stupid. It feels like everyone's staring going "Oh, hey, look at that ugly fat chick trying to _____"

This is why I would rather sit in my room; read, draw, write, play WoW. Contrary to what everyone thinks I'm not ALWAYS playing WoW. It's just a game.

I take that wonderful hour and half personality test on Thursday, which we jokingly called "the crazy test". It's supposed to be 95% accurate or something. Doctor wants me to take it so he can see what direction we can go in during sessions and what stuff to work on. This is probably because I either don't really talk, or I don't know what to talk about. That and if something is bothering me I won't just come right out and say it. I can write it down. That's no problem. I just can't say it.

All in all, I'd rate my mood right now a 2; partially because I haven't hit an all time low today. Fun.

Guildie Blog

2008-04-13T04:17:02Z

Stole these from a guildie's blog. Feel free to post 'em everywhere.

Theres like this guy and girl and they love eachother so much. Like as much as there are stars in the universe.

Ok yeah thats alot!

Guy: So honey, I noticed you didn't swallow last time...

Girl: Well yeah, Its because if two different peoples semens mix in your tummy it can cause a violent reaction.

Guy: Violent reaction like this? *Guy punches her in the face*.

THE END
Moral of the Story: Don't be a whore/manslut. Girl admitted she was a whore, guy punched her. She asked for it.

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Theres a group of friends driving in a car which is going home at around 2:30am due to bars closing. All of them are wasted beyond recognizing eachother clearly. The driver can hardly stay awake as he is driving on the local boulevard. Suddenly he hits a rather large object which stirs him to realize he hit a person. They all get out of the car to check if the person is alrite. The person sadly has passed away due to impact. They turn the individual over and realize that its an 13 year old child.

They enter the car and drive away =(

THE END

Moral of the story: Don't be out at 2:30 am if you're 13 damn years old. Youre either gonna get your ass kicked cause you say some stupid 13 year old stuff or some drunk guy is gonna tag you accidentaly.

Brokeback Benjamin

2008-04-03T05:51:32Z

I went to see Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace and Seether; it was so awesome!! We had floor seats and during Breaking Benjamin's last song they had a shitload of confetti come down and I got one :)

It was really awesome; Wallingford was the last stop on their tour so they played all kinds of pranks on each other on stage. My favorite was when they came out with a sheet that said "Brokeback Benjamin" and stood behind Ben while he was playing. Seether played 'Broken' and a few guys from the other bands came on stage dressed like Amy Lee...guy drag. Three Days Grace got silly stringed and a bunch of people came out with sheets over their heads (ghosts) during 'Scared'.

Breaking Benjamin had the whole pyrotechnics things going on, and Three Days Grace just had a shitload of fireballs and flames go up during their songs.

Best. Night. Ever.

Just A Little

2008-03-19T04:31:32Z

I feel sick. I've felt sick all day. I never really got better from saturday, my stomach's still all funky. And I've developed this pain in my right side. It was kind of bad at the mall. Nothing really made it feel better except leaning over or sitting down, so I wandered and did both. I'm so dehydrated it's not even funny anymore. I'm seriously considering just going to the hospital and getting fluids, thats how crappy i feel. I feel slightly better when i drink something, namely gatorade, but it doesn't help that much. Plus, I can't eat. I'm actually kind of happy about that. Whatever i do eat starts to taste like cardboard after a few bites and fills me up, which is kind of frustrating, especially since people think I'm lying.

Whatever.

I have a habit of making myself feel much, much worse when i generally feel like shit. I feel really really dizzy right now, but part of me just doesn't care. I just...ack. I want to play sims but I'm probably just gonna end up passing out.

I'm sorry.

Confused?

2008-03-12T08:31:10Z

I.....I....

Just....

Dunno.

Blah.

Bread, Bread, Meat, Bread

2008-03-07T06:31:28Z

Hamada is Awesome.

First Weekend

2008-03-04T04:06:47Z

So, this past weekend was Jeff's first weekend back. Friday we came back here and basically did nothing and watched a movie. Saturday we went to see Semi Pro, then went to the mall. Jeff bought me a naruto necklace ^_^ We went to Borders and I got The Other Boleyn Girl, which i want to go and see. It's only playing in North Haven. I'll probably ask Jess to go. After that we came home, proceded to have hot kinky sex, went to bed, woke up, had more hot kinky sex, and went to see Mandi.

He has off Thursday so he's gonna spend Wednesday night with me, because he has to work the weekend.

I installed Sims 2 on my computer, which means im gonna start fresh and make all new sims. I lost the code for Bon Voyage, I'm pretty sure Dusty peed on it and i had to throw it away, so today i went to Walmart with Jeff and his brother and got a new one. Now my sims can go on vacation again!.

Yay.

WoW

2008-02-11T21:34:35Z

Agonee is Level 69.

And Marliee...well...she's still 38.

Yuniee's level 10, Counnttubla (please tell me I spelled him right) is level 6, so is Ssaix, and Girllock is level 18.

Yeah, i need a life.

Hello Gateway in the fall. Or some kind of college. Unless i actually find a halfway decent job before then.

???!!!

2008-01-22T08:39:17Z

Three Days Grace, Breaking Benjamin, and Seether and the Chevy on April 2nd.

The chevy. The fucking Chevy. Right down the road.

I'm getting tickets tomorrow.

BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO!!!!

!!!!!

D and D

2008-01-22T07:34:34Z

Decisions, Decisions.

I've decided that i'm going to college. Hopefully in the spring, if not then fall, or if possible summer courses. Whatever Gateway offers. Not too expensive.Granted, neither of my brothers went to college and we're not anywhere near broke, but still.

I'm...well, SICK of...this. How pathetic i've become. I can't even get in a freaking car without spazzing out (sometimes on the inside, sometimes on the outside) I absolutely HATE how I look (even though people are telling me i look fine, and Jeff even called me adorable a few times., i still think im a disgusting idiot) I have no job, i'm probably going to get stuck working some place i hate again since i didn't go to college, and i hate the fact that when people ask me "Oh, how are you? Are you in school?" and i say NO, they give me this dissapointed STARE, like what the hell is wrong with you?

I didn't want to go. I didnt go to college because I can't see wasting money to sit in school for four years and still not know what you want to do with the rest of your life. You get out, you get a job, you spend some time in the real world and then figure out what you want to do. More than half of everything i learned in school either doesn't apply or is just complete and utter fucking bullshit.

Shit doesn't turn out like you want it to. Nothing is planned, jobs aren't perfect. You plan for A, and B, C and D happen.

Life is short. And i'm still deathly afraid of dying. But also very curious. So i guess that makes me...nuetral, in a sense?

I love my mom. I think she realized that eventually i'd go to college, and not to push me. She could have given me the whole 'speech', but she didn't. I also had to take care of her. I wasn't going to leave, not when she needed me. This past year has been terrifying. I watched my Grandpa and my Dad die, and i was so afraid that i'd lose my mom. Sometimes i wish that i could have taken away all their pain, that I could have gone through what they did instead of them, so they could be happy and healthy. And it's not because i feel miserable or whatever, I just want them to be happy.

That's just me.

Glue

2008-01-11T06:26:52Z

Today while i was glueing stuff together for NEC, i decided to stick my finger in the glue. This woulnt have been a problem if the glue wasn't hot. So, the skin on the middle of my index finger got ripped off, courtesy of the glue.

It. Hurts. Like. HELL.

I really didnt think the glue was that hot.

Shows how wrong I am.

I found some of my percs from when i sprained my ankle. May as well use em while their still good. So myfinger kind of hurts now, but i just don't care. ^_^

Pre Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T11:53:57Z

Yesterday...er...today was fun. I went to visit Fran with Dippy. We stayed til about 2 watching clerks and i had some homemade wine. I ended up staying at Dippys where we listened to music and read and bullshited. It was like old times again. Im tired as hell right now but it was worth it.

Understanding

2007-12-02T23:35:03Z

If i died, people would care. I think i get that now. Although why they would is still a little hard to think about.

Yesterday, me, Jeff, Gildo and Lauren were coming home from Christmas in the Village in Meriden. Jeff was driving, I was in the passenger seat, Gildo was behind me and lauren was next to him.We were by the airport and something ran out into the road so Jeff slammed on the brakes. The wheels locked up and we crashed right under the fence and eventually hit a pole, narrowly missing a building. Our airbags went off and the window cracked in a spider webbed pattern on my side. If we were any closer to the building I would have been dead. Car's totaled. It was amazing that no one got seriously hurt. Jeff was fine, I have a bump on my knee and my neck hurts today, Gildo's tooth scraped the inside of his mouth, but it wasn't bad, and Lauren hurt her wrist a little. None of us went to the hospital, even though the ambulance came and they kept asking if we needed to go. We sat in the airport while we were waiting for the ambulance and cops. A firetruck even came.

It's mind blowing to think i could actually be dead right now, i mean, really mind blowing since i've been in a "I don't care if i die/i should kill myself" kind of mood lately.

I'm not gonna feel that way for a long, long time now.

Feeling Weird...Yet Again

2007-11-30T08:54:29Z

I'm in a crappy mood yet again. What else is new?

I don't really know why wither.

Eh.

I'm gonna go watch Resident Evil and fall asleep.

DDR or DWTS

2007-11-22T09:27:59Z

Today should be interesting, it being Thanksgiving and all.

...........

Anyway, i went Birthday shopping for Dipshit of a brother and my mom the other night. I got Dippy a blender. Hey, he doesn;t have one and we were always meaning to get one so we could make margaritas and a bunch of other drinks. I got my mommy a DVD player. It's so simple even she could work it. It had a stop and a play button on it. That's all. I also got her some famous fuzzy socks and a back massaging cushion for her arthritis in her back.

While i was shopping I picked up that DWTS game for the PS2. It's pretty much like DDR. I used to be deathly afraid of playing DDR for a few reasons, namely for fear of looking like an ass. The funny thing is that i'm actually halfway decent at it and i don't feel nearly as stupid playing it as i thought i would. I play pretty much when Jeff's at work so in case I do make an ass out of myself, no one s around to witness it.

Yep. That's me. I make an ass out of myself on a daily basis, so why im comfortable dancing around on a plastic mat to DWTS music is beyond me.

YesterYear

2007-11-21T03:27:06Z

Sooo...yesterday was the 19th. Today my mom brought up that that was when my Grandpa died (on my Dad's side). It's kind of weird. I know i should feel sadder, but i can't. I never met him. He died when Mike was gonna turn three. Mike's gonna be 34 now.

I do wish i knew my other Grandparents, though. I'm their youngest Grandchild. Granted, they would be somewhere in their late 90's now, but still...

I hate being the youngest.

Chicken

2007-11-14T09:14:46Z

I'm such a chicken.

I feel really REALLY bad today, i don't know why. I felt weird before i went to bed last night. Well, not...weird, more like scared.

Sometimes while i'm trying to fall asleep i get this overwhelming fear of dying. I lay there thinking about being gone, truely gone, and it scares the living crap out of me. i get short of breath, my heart starts pounding, and i start sweating.

Other times...not so much. Other times not existing seems easier.

I'm a chicken, though. For now. I can't do it. I'm too scared.